Quest for Myself

Journey as a mom started when I was pregnant, I hope every mom could relate to this post. I was very cautious about what I ate, and what programs I watched.

I did Yoga until my second trimester, and only a stroll in the last trimester. I was healthy and active all through my pregnancy. I took work from home for couple of weeks before going on maternity leave. Sitting and working made my back strained, but never ever felt it was a strain, I used to stand for while, sit for while, adjust some pillows to work for those 8 hours.

I took Maternity leave couple of weeks before my due date, thinking it would happen anytime, but my son wasn’t ready until the due date. I had some me time though. I feel rather lucky to be in  Kerala in the hands of a doctor who had thirty years of experience. I delivered a baby naturally, within just few hours(6 hrs I guess) of labor pains. I imagined it would take lot more time, so I was quite happy. “Its a boy” said doctor, I took a glimpse of his face, his eyes were wide open and twinkling. He resembled like my nephew, I couldn’t believe my eyes that I became a mommy.

Mission was accomplished!!!

The real challenge of life has started post partrum. Pregnancy and delivery went on well, I did not put on much weight during pregnancy, only the required amount of weight. I was hoping to be in my pre pregnancy weight very soon.

Post natal was the most challenging phase of life. With a new-born baby, like every other mom had sleepless nights, hungry all the time and spent a sedentary lifestyle. I have joined back office when baby was 2.5 months old, I worked from home though.  This is the time I have neglected myself, I totally forgot there is me existing in this world.

Baby became my out most priority. I was all the time at home including weekends, I would eat my meals quickly and over stuff my tummy, to save meal time and spend more time with baby, and with few hours of sleep, meetings were the time for yawning.

My mom stayed with us until my son was 1-year-old, and mom used to tell me to take a stroll atleast in the evening and go out on weekends atleast for grocery shopping.

I didn’t realize what my mom has said, she actually asked me to relax and destress.

Weeks and months passed and soon my son was 1-year-old, and I was one size more than my pregnancy. Forget about pre-pregnancy weight I wanted to atleast fit into my 9th month pregnancy clothes.

I was gaining weight progressively, and everyone I met would say “Hey, you seem to have put on weight”

May be this was a simple issue, but I really went through an emotionally down time.

This is the time I started to decode what my mom said, to relax, to have some fun and enjoy motherhood, but how do I ensure to do this. I was not sure.

Like in the flight they say, “Wear your oxygen mask first and then help others”, I realized I have to be fit and healthy to take care of my family.

I really was looking out for options, what should I do, I was not sure though.

I started to introspect, and only then i realized that, I totally forgot about myself and I was not doing anything I used to like doing. I was trying to fit into mom’s shoes and losing myself. This is the time I decided that I should balance myself, do things which I love. At this point of time my aim was “I should not put on more weight”.

Where was I going wrong?

I was not having any gratitude towards my body what it has undergone and had put it under constant pressure through my thoughts.

I started to read books about diet, exercise, hormones blah blah blah. And I got little flames of clarity.

Below are my few little flames

  • To be happy and accept the way I am. It is the most important thing.
  • Gratitude towards body and everything around.
  • To get proper sleep.
  • Do activities that give me pleasure. 
  • One should aim for fat loss and not muscle loss.
  • Gain muscle by doing strengthening exercise, muscle is the fat burner.
  • With stress, cortisol levels rise, which favors in weight gain, high blood pressure, muscle weakness etc.,
  • Reducing cortisol levels, aids in weight loss. Oxytoxin also called as love hormone, is released when we are stress free, activities that release Oxytoxin are open arms, dance, exercise, hugging and cuddling which aids in weight loss.

Did you know looking at phone increases stress and reading a news paper reduces stress. Leaning forward with hands constricted raises cortisol. Open arms reduces stress. There is whole science on body postures and about hormones cortisols and oxytoxin.


How did I overcome my emotional downtime?

  • I started having all the foods that I like guilt free.
  • Following my biological alarm of hunger and stop having when I am still a bit hungry. This was the toughest part. I reassured myself that I will have something else when I am hungry again.
  • I started doing things that I love. I started baking, blogging, reading, watching movies, taking care of my hair and many more. These things keep me always busy and focussed.
  • Kept myself away from things which make me sad.
  • I do want to do some form of exercise, however I start and then it comes to a halt due to a travel or myself or my son being sick or sometimes due to work load.  Staying active and doing some sort of physical activity is important as it reduces stress/cortisol levels.
  • I no longer smile like a smirk, I started to smile heart-fully.
I am happy the way I am and yippee my clothing size has reduced by one size with these changes in my lifestyle.
What is your little flame of life? Do let me know your comments.










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